A Letter to My Mom
Losing my mom has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure. Never in a million years did I think my mom would die without us saying goodbye!
Just like everyone else, Yes, I have and still go through the I wish process. Just wishing I did so many things differently.
Every day I think of our last conversation and even other conversations we had prior to her ever being sick. I was always fussing at her about everything. Nothing was ever enough because I wanted her to be better. I wanted my mom to be happy and live a better life.
But the reality is, what if she lived her life being the absolute best version of herself? What if she was happy being the way she was?
Maybe I was trying to force her into being something she was never capable of being.
During this process, I find myself reevaluating my relationship with my mom. I can’t lie and say we had the perfect relationship. I can’t even say that we were BFF’s.
However, I can say that we loved each other enough to fight to get each other’s attention; negative or positive!
As kids, you think your parents have it all together and you expect them to be perfect humans. We often put high expectations on our parents, expecting them to perform on the level you have set for them.
What do you do when those expectations are not met? What happens when rejection and abandonment issues start to set in and you build resentment in your heart towards that person? It’s so crazy how the enemy works to kill, steal, and destroy the family structure.
Although my mom's death is very painful and emotionally draining, it has taught me to be more intentional about loving people where they are!
There’s no room for judgement when you truly love someone.
I’m learning to love people through their flaws. Sometimes we are the only good and love they will ever receive.
While attending my mom’s funeral it was bittersweet hearing people talk about my mom. Each person spoke about how she loved and took care of them. She gave unselfishly. My mom was a great friend, aunt, and cousin. She was all the things to others that I wish she was to me. I was sad, no, I was infuriated. Watching my mom love everyone else made me angry, not just at her, but those who received it from her!
My mom touched many different lives and left a major impact in ways I never knew.
While building a family is important, it’s very important to know who you are and where you truly come from. So many family secrets have been revealed since the passing of my mom. These secrets have left me guessing, “do I really know who my mom was?” The unveiling of these secrets have given me a greater love for my mom. I now understand her a little better, unfortunately, it’s too late!
I have come to understand that It’s God’s unfailing love that surround us. For our hope is in you alone, Lord. Because of your Love God, I’m Fit2heal!
Psalms 33:22 NLT
